For this week’s student correction we’re going to correct a student’s introduction for an opinion essay question.
With opinion essays, you need to state your opinion about the topic and support that opinion throughout the essay. This is not the same as the discussion essay we talked about last week, which requires to you discuss both sides.
For an IELTS opinion essay introduction, you should…
- paraphrase the original statement and
- give a general answer (in this case, your opinion)
Task 2 Opinion Question:
People under the age 18 who commit crimes should be re-educated rather than punished. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Student Introduction (with mistakes):
Recently, there is a growing tendency in the public’s perception that adolescent criminals deserve the re-education instead of the punishment. As for me, both of the treatments are not incompatible but complementary to each other; in truth, they are equally essential to reduce the juvenile delinquency in the long run.
Lee’s Comments: Even before editing, this introduction is quite good. The vocabulary here is high level as is the grammar. It also has both of the essential elements of a good introduction (paraphrase and opinion). However, there are still a few mistakes in both grammar and vocabulary usage. In my corrections I’ve simplified the sentences and structures to make them more clear and accurate.
Recently, there is a growing
tendency in the public’s perception thatpublic dialogue about whether it would be better to reform adolescent criminals through education deserve the re-educationinstead of thecriminal punishment. As for me,I believe that rather than being incompatible, both methods of thetreatment sare not incompatible butcomplementary to each other; in truth. That is, they are equally essential to reducein reducing thejuvenile delinquency in the long run.
Recently, there is a growing public dialogue about whether it would be better to reform adolescent criminals through education instead of criminal punishment. I believe that rather than being incompatible, both methods of treatment are complementary. That is, they are equally essential in reducing juvenile delinquency in the long run.
Finally, here is my own sample answer.
Lee’s Sample Introduction:
While it is general common sense that it is necessary to punish criminals, when the debate shifts to the punishment and rehabilitation of adolescent criminals, public opinion is significantly less one-sided. Some believe that rather than being punished like typical criminals, the focus for minors should be on their re-education. I agree with this push for re-education with the caveat that criminal punishment is still appropriate at certain times.
Next week’s question:
Write your answer to following question from Cambridge IELTS 11 and post it in the comments below or on the IELTS Master Facebook Page.
Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.