In this post I’m going to show part of a student essay and correct it. It can be helpful to see common mistakes so you don’t make them yourself.
Before we begin, keep in mind that the four areas that IELTS markers will look at (click here for the official IELTS descriptors).
IELTS Markers
- Task Achievement: Does it answer all of the requirements in a fully developed way?
- Coherence and Cohesion: Are the different ideas connected in a logical way? Are the different sentences connected in a logical way?
- Lexical Resource: Is there variety in the vocabulary? Is the vocabulary use appropriate?
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Is the grammar accurate? Is there a mix of simple and complex sentences?
Task 2 Sample Question:
Today more and more old cities are being rebuilt and redesigned in order to be modernized. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? Give your opinion and relevant examples.
The Student’s Introduction (with mistakes):
Nowadays, there is a tendency that many old cities modernize their buildings. This phenomenon has brought about a heat debate concerning whether it is a positive development.
Lee’s Comments: Looking at this answer, the biggest problem is with task achievement. You should make your opinion clear in the introduction so that the examiner does not have to guess what it is. There are also some small problems with grammar and some of the vocabulary from the question is repeated rather than paraphrased.
Corrections:
Nowadays, there is a growing tendency
thatfor many older cities to update and modernize their buildings. This phenomenon has brought about a heated debate concerning whetheritthis is a positive development or not. I believe that while there are several important reasons some buildings in dated cities should be rebuilt, we need to be extremely careful about renovating places with potential historical value.
Final Version:
Nowadays, there is a growing tendency for many older cities to update and modernize their buildings. This phenomenon has brought about a heated debate concerning whether this is a positive development or not. I believe that while there are several important reasons some buildings in dated cities should be rebuilt, we need to be extremely careful about renovating places with potential historical value.
Finally, here is my own sample answer.
Lee’s Sample Introduction:
There is a growing number of cities with older infrastructure and buildings that are being updated for the modern world. While I agree that such renovation can have a variety of important benefits for the city and its residents, I believe that it is important to acknowledge the potentially disastrous drawbacks that the modernization of historical areas may have.
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Write your answer to following question and post it in the comments below or on the IELTS Master Facebook Page. I’ll choose one of the comments to correct and use in a future lesson!
Question:
People under the age 18 who commit crimes should be re-educated rather than punished. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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